In the wake of widespread protests against police brutality and discrimination, law enforcement departments across the country are instituting new rules and policies to ensure safer practices. Here are some of the ways departments are reforming their training, tactics, and management in light of scrutiny:

  • Improved training to ensure that combat-ready assault rifles are not misused in the course of community policing
  • Armored vehicles to be decorated with murals celebrating the communities in which they are deployed
  • Switching to new all-organic tear gas blend
  • New funding for outreach programs to encourage better relationships between officers and their fathers
  • Officers to de-escalate tense situations by drawing progressively smaller firearms
  • iPads somehow incorporated
  • Disgraced law enforcement officials to be given even smaller desks than normal
  • Cops encouraged to report the misdeeds of their fellow officers, thereby sabotaging their own careers
  • Ensure this can all legally be thrown out the window if a cop feels threatened