Multiple high-profile cases involving police officers who were exonerated after committing criminal acts, including killings, have shone a spotlight on the frequent lack of accountability for law enforcement. The Onion presents a step-by-step guide showing how cops can get away with crimes.


STEP 1: After graduating from the academy, officer assigned to nation with a long history of looking the other way when subjugating classes of people.


STEP 2: Officer quickly assesses unarmed black teenager for something to perceive as a threat.


STEP 3: Officer makes sure to audibly exclaim “Oops!” after each trigger pull.


STEP 4: Officer forced to turn in their badge and gun for the rest of the day.


STEP 5: Media conducts thorough investigation to find least flattering photo of victim for news reports.

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STEP 6: Tomi Lahren.


STEP 7: Internal police department review gives the officer a frowny face sticker.

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STEP 8: Twelve police widows selected for grand jury.


STEP 9: Defense attorney highlights all the positive things officer has done in career that weren’t methodically covered up.

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STEP 10: Officer acquitted of all charges after evidence emerges that victim was no angel.