Congressional Republicans have repeatedly stated their intention to repeal and replace the Affordable Care Act soon after Donald Trump takes office. The Onion outlines how that process would work.
STEP 1:
Bring witnesses to congressional hearing to testify about the horrors of being able to afford their cancer treatment
STEP 2:
Obama forced to watch as Mitch McConnell shreds each individual page of the Affordable Care Act in front of him
STEP 3:
Hold press conference to remind Americans we all have to die sometime
STEP 4:
Draft new healthcare bill with, uh, vouchers, maybe? Yeah, vouchers sound good. Put them in there.
STEP 5:
Double-check to make sure there’s no women stuff in there
STEP 6:
Obstruct new healthcare bill a few times purely out of habit
STEP 7:
Do a quick 30,000-page copy edit
STEP 8:
Part where 20 million people lose health insurance
STEP 9:
Republican leaders take celebratory photo with bunch of sick Americans who can no longer afford treatment
STEP 10:
Guy with red lump on thigh guesses he’ll just wait and see
STEP 11:
Paul Ryan goes home and hugs family with firm belief he has done good and important work