Many diners make decisions about where to eat based on a restaurant’s health inspection grade, but may not know exactly how inspectors arrive at their scores. The Onion provides a primer for how restaurant inspection grades are calculated.
Inspector jumps out of restaurant dishwasher to begin surprise inspection.
Inspector walks floor of dining room and deducts points for audible crunching of millipedes.
Single white glove pulled onto hand, slid under counter to check for levels of dust.
Cockroaches evaluated for carapace sheen and speed.
Inspector checks if any ingredients are past their expiration date, but it’s okay if it’s, like, a few days past the date, because they just put that there to scare you into buying more anyway.
Extensive interviews conducted with widows of prior health inspectors.
Restaurant given chance to earn extra credit by writing essay on what food safety means to them.
Otherwise-perfect inspection failed at last minute due to lobster latching onto inspector’s nose.
Restaurant given eight years to rectify violations.
Sharpie used to change D grade to B+.