How The Debates Can Be Improved

Illustration for article titled How The Debates Can Be Improved

Many voters and journalists have criticized this election season’s debates for their lack of substance and fact-checking. The Onion presents some ways the debates can be improved:

Pre-screen candidates for required base level of competency

Confiscate any devices by which the American people might attempt to weigh in

Backdrop image to display each candidate’s unabridged voting record

Food strictly prohibited at lecterns

Live commentary from fringe candidates detailing what they’d be doing better if they were up there


Moderators welcomed to provide their own 30-second rebuttal

Intro and outro graphics 150 percent more spangled

Following each question, candidates’ exchanges of “Yes, you did” and “No, I didn’t” to be restricted to three minutes

Cut both mics at start of debate