Many voters and journalists have criticized this election season’s debates for their lack of substance and fact-checking. The Onion presents some ways the debates can be improved:
Pre-screen candidates for required base level of competency
Confiscate any devices by which the American people might attempt to weigh in
Backdrop image to display each candidate’s unabridged voting record
Food strictly prohibited at lecterns
Live commentary from fringe candidates detailing what they’d be doing better if they were up there
Moderators welcomed to provide their own 30-second rebuttal
Intro and outro graphics 150 percent more spangled
Following each question, candidates’ exchanges of “Yes, you did” and “No, I didn’t” to be restricted to three minutes
Cut both mics at start of debate