As the government shutdown nears a full week, neither house of Congress appears ready to budge. Here are some ways the standoff could be resolved:
- American public takes to streets and overthrows existing government following two unbearable weeks without access to the National Gallery of Art
- Depending on the kind of person you are, with a whole bunch of poor people either getting exactly what they deserve or becoming victims of a cold and heartless system
- With simple vote, whenever lobbyists give go-ahead to do so
- It’s conceivable that the Capitol building could collapse and kill everyone inside if high-powered explosives were to be planted at key structural weaknesses throughout the rotunda
- Boehner’s doe-eyed niece plaintively asks why she can’t go to Cuyahoga Valley National Park and see the bears
- Maybe a press release
- When we realize we had the power to end it all along, but we had to learn to believe in ourselves
- Asteroid 658 Eugenia
- Boehner and Obama lock eyes, kiss passionately, and realize their love is bigger than any problems between them
- Almost certainly with Ted Cruz proclaiming victory