The International Monetary Fund recently warned that Russia’s invasion of Ukraine and the economic sanctions imposed on Russia by countries around the world will have a “severe impact on the global economy.” The Onion looks at the most consequential effects of the Russian invasion on the global economic forecast.
- Global food shortages will increase unless enough people are killed to balance things out.
- Rising fuel costs to limit vacations to destinations within walking distance.
- Dude absolutely losing his shit at pump 8.
- Investment surge in blockbuster movies where villains are Russian.
- Additional stock market volatility means whatever that means to people with expendable income.
- Hike in fertilizer prices could devastate the amateur bomb-making sector.
- Russian mobsters will be forced to smuggle in foreign-made tracksuits.
- Dolph Lundgren to receive largest influx of royalty checks for Rocky IV since the ’80s.
- Traders on the New York Stock Exchange floor screaming 18% louder.
- Companies given excellent excuse to price-gouge even more than usual.
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