Here are The Onion’s tips for dealing with being let go from a job.

  • As you take in the bad news, try to stay perfectly calm, as this will be much more off-putting for your employer and officemates.
  • Don’t spend any of your newfound time off wallowing in self-pity. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and immediately begin drafting your revenge plan.
  • While at first it may feel like the end of the world, keep remembering it’s only the end of your life.
  • Make the most of your health coverage before it expires by going hog-wild on those MRI scans.
  • Think positively! Consider this an opportunity to switch into the very bottom rung of your dream career.
  • Double-check that you don’t have a family to feed.
  • Resist the urge to say anything negative about your former company online. That looks bad to your prospective employers, who could very well assume you were fired for being too proficient or kind.
  • Remember that plenty of other people have gone through this experience, and they are applying to the same jobs as you.

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