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How To Make Cold Brew Coffee

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Cold brew coffee can be a delightful way to start your summer day, but making it can be tricky. The Onion provides a step-by-step guide to making cold brew coffee.

  • STEP 1: Memorize three tenuous reasons why this is better than regular iced coffee.
  • STEP 2: Decide that you could really go for a cup of coffee in 24 hours.
  • STEP 3: Get some brown stuff. Coffee is supposed to be brown.
  • STEP 4: Put on a dress, fill up a barrel, and use your bare feet to crush the beans into grounds.
  • STEP 5: Use real water, not that generic imitation stuff.
  • STEP 6: Realize how mundane your life has become. Cold brew? Really? This is what gets you excited now?
  • STEP 7: Let steep at room temperature before serving warm.
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