With the federal government refusing to lend its assistance, the State of California is in dire financial straits. Here are some of the budget cuts being considered to save the state:


$1.2 million: Canceling a planned monument to Adrienne Barbeau

$109 million: Eliminating program that gives $100 pocket cash to hopeful starlets as they get off the bus in Hollywood

$100,000: Reduce annual salary of people holding up letters for Hollywood sign all day


$170 million: Closing all schools east of Bakersfield

$24 million: Promotional fund for spreading bullshit claim that California makes great cheese

$11 million: Ceasing production of Tell Me About The Rabbits, George: The 3-D IMAX Experience for the Steinbeck Center in Salinas


$9 million: Funds used to keep vandals out of Peter Falk's yard

$47.2 billion: Schools, roads, potable water