How To Save The World’s Melting Sea Ice

Illustration for article titled How To Save The World’s Melting Sea Ice

Arctic sea ice reached a record low in July as temperatures hit 100 degrees above the Arctic circle, increasing discussions about potential ways to prevent environmental degradation. The Onion takes a look at how to save the world’s melting sea ice:

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First off, we should learn everything there is to know about this “ice.”


Mobilize nations to physically push Earth a meter or two farther away from the sun.

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Limit number of mile-wide ice sheets vacationers to Greenland can take home with them.

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Recycling bin in office.


Pump billions of dollars into nonprofit that will give us an easier challenge.


Assume Finland already taking care of it.


Clone the ice, ethical consequences be damned!


Combine ices from both poles into single more manageable chunk.


Stop all excavation of Arctic for ice pop production.


Build giant factories that suck carbon dioxide out of the air to ensure we kick the can down the road to future generations.

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