How Trump Plans To Turn His Campaign Around

Illustration for article titled How Trump Plans To Turn His Campaign Around

As Donald Trump’s poll numbers continue to fall, many wonder how the GOP presidential nominee can turn his campaign around before Election Day. Here are some ways Trump aims to regain his footing:

Bring on new campaign manager to oversee next several staff shakeups

Expand support base from disgruntled working-class whites to merely perturbed working-class whites


Distance self from feud with parents of deceased Muslim-American soldier to better focus on feud with all Muslim Americans

Limit interactions with the media to one firestorm per day

Hope that the next Hillary Clinton email leak is pretty fucking amazing

Campaign door-to-door and hold local town hall events to talk with everyday Americans about the ethnicities that are personally affecting them

Allude to specific policies once or twice more

Rein in disastrous, gaffe-prone Tiffany Trump

Ease tensions between warring factions of own psyche

Wait for simple statistical variation to produce a few polls more favorable to campaign