The dangerous mosquito-borne Zika virus is on the rise in several countries. The Onion offers tips for protecting yourself from this growing threat.

  • Protect your unborn infant by regularly spraying insect repellent into the womb.
  • Remove any sources of standing water from your property, which are the number-one place for mosquitoes to gather and strategize how to spread the virus.
  • If approached by a mosquito, avoid direct eye contact, make deep, guttural noises, and wave your arms to make yourself appear as large as possible while slowly backing away.
  • Tuck your pants into your socks, but only if enough other people are doing it.
  • Check the CDC’s website for up-to-date information on which of their travel advisory warnings you’ve already violated.
  • If you do find yourself feeling ill after being bitten by a mosquito, don’t panic. You could just be feeling the effects of West Nile virus or malaria.
  • Inform any pregnant loved ones of the risks associated with Zika and suggest that they delay their delivery until the current outbreak has been contained.
  • If you believe you have contracted the Zika virus, take action by contacting CNN immediately.

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