How Your Amazon Order Reaches You

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With more than 90,000 employees at 80 shipping warehouses around the globe, remains the world’s largest online retailer for electronics, books, clothing, and more. Here is a step-by-step guide to how Amazon orders reach consumers:

  • Step 1: Customers spend 72 hours comparing products on before going with the first item they clicked on.
  • Step 2: If an item is cheaper through another site, Amazon promises to match their price and run them out of business.
  • Step 3: Immediately after checkout, the customer’s purchases are mocked mercilessly by a panel of cultural elitists.
  • Step 4: At the warehouse, books, CDs, and other products are removed from tanks of preservative fluid and allowed to dry in the sun for several weeks.
  • Step 5: Bubble wrap craftsmen are summoned to smelt packaging specific to product’s precise volume requirements.
  • Step 6: Amazon Prime subscribers’ packages are sorted for prompt delivery, while all other orders are sealed in metal drums and buried underground for six to eight business days.
  • Step 7: If the product is a baby, the umbilical cord is cut.
  • Step 8: Worker throws in a few Like Mike DVDs to free up space in the warehouse.
  • Step 9: For a fleeting moment, all is still.
  • Step 10: Customer’s photo and address are handed out to potential delivery drivers to see if any “feel a strong connection.”
  • Step 11: Package is rerouted to Denver.
  • Step 12: Amazon truck drives by the local Barnes & Noble just to rub it in.
  • Step 13: Delivery person meets the customer in the parking lot of a 7-Eleven for the handoff.