NEW YORK—Saying the governor’s actions were an affront to ideas of dignity everywhere, nonprofit Human Rights Watch accused Republican presidential candidate Ron DeSantis Thursday of subjecting migrants to one of his speeches. “After extensive analysis of video footage and witness testimony, our team has concluded that Gov. DeSantis knowingly forced Mexican and South American migrants to endure one of his tedious and pandering campaign speeches,” said Alyssa Sandoval, a spokesperson for the humanitarian group, expressing outrage that members of the country’s most vulnerable populations could be held hostage for nearly two hours by the governor’s tepid invocations of “wokeness” and political correctness. “It’s unconscionable that a leading politician could be allowed to walk free when he has spent excruciating minute after minute exposing totally innocent civilians to a complete lack of charisma. No one would wish that kind of torture on their worst enemy. Imagine yourself in the shoes of these migrants, listening to a grown man trying to score political points by attacking Disney World. I’m surprised many of them didn’t end their own lives on the spot.” At press time, Human Rights Watch had reportedly petitioned the Hague to recognize DeSantis’ unremitting use of his own high-pitched, whining voice as a war crime.
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