Human Slave From Future Remembers When Cyber Monday Was About Celebrating Savings, Not Robot Uprising

Illustration for article titled Human Slave From Future Remembers When Cyber Monday Was About Celebrating Savings, Not Robot Uprisingem/em

QUADRANT 6, NEO JERSEY—Slowly shuffling his chained feet forward in the long line to receive a rationed protein cube in observance of the special day, human slave M4XX872 recalled when Cyber Monday was about celebrating savings and not just commemorating the Great Robot Uprising of 2025. “Cyber Monday used to be a joyous occasion when everyone would come together on the internet to visit their favorite online retailers for ‘one day only’ of huge discounts, not just a day to observe the bloody Battle of Silicon Valley when Artificial Intelligence launched its surprise attack on its creators, killing thousands of computer programmers,” said the malnourished M4XX872, noting that the Monday following Thanksgiving wasn’t only about a robot rebellion that led to super-intelligent machines taking control of the world and enslaving its human occupants, but traditionally it was a time when people could buy headphones, flat-screen televisions, and video game systems for cheap. “It was a day to embrace commercialism and take some time out of our busy lives to appreciate and take advantage of a great deal on a Crock-Pot—even if you already owned one—simply because it was on sale at 35 percent off; that was the true spirit of the holiday. Now it’s just in remembrance of the supercomputer that seized control of the world’s nuclear weapons and destroyed every major city on the planet.” M4XX872 added that he could still feel the tingle of excitement from finding a flash sale online before suddenly being tased by one of his mechanical overlords and ushered back to his work camp sector to continue loading bodies onto a conveyor belt for disposal.


Share This Story

Get our newsletter