Humanitarian Aid Just Guns Again

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KABUL, AFGHANISTAN—Local residents in the war-torn Afghan city were disappointed but not surprised Friday after a new U.S. shipment of humanitarian aid was reportedly just guns again. “We arrived here for the convoy early this morning hoping there’d be some clean water or food or something, but nope—just another large cache of guns,” said local mother of three Nahidah Fazluddin after a U.S. contractor distributing aid gave her a machine gun like the dozen she already had at home. “You figure after six straight gun shipments we’d be due for some basic medical supplies. At first, when I saw all the crates of ammunition, I hoped they were just keeping sacks of rice from sliding around underneath, but it turned out that it was ammunition all the way down. We keep gently trying to suggest that there can be more to humanitarian aid than just more guns, but I guess guns is just what they’ve got. I’m not really sure what my starving children are supposed to do with these pistol grips. I even had my son bring a few of our extra rifles to see if we could trade them for some kind of grains, but I guess we’ll have to try again next month.” At press time, Fazluddin conceded that the box of body armor the humanitarian aid convoy issued her technically qualified as new clothing.