America's Finest News Source.
We may earn a commission from links on this page.
America's Finest News Source.

Humanitarian Organization ‘Doctors Without Dimensions’ Phases Into War-Torn Nonlinear Universe

We may earn a commission from links on this page.
Image for article titled Humanitarian Organization ‘Doctors Without Dimensions’ Phases Into War-Torn Nonlinear Universe

THE MULTIVERSE—Responding to an ongoing multi-gigannum conflict that had been ravaging innumerous timelines in a single second for 500,000 years, humanitarian organization Doctors Without Dimensions reportedly phased into a war-torn nonlinear universe Thursday. “We’ve been warping to spatial time-parts of quantum-Tethys for six minutes and billions of years now, and the destruction wrought by para-centuries of interstellar time battles, antimatter bombs, and hand-to-hand ground conflict is some of the worst we’ve ever witnessed,” said Dr. Landon L’ZZ.(ARC), a longtime Doctors Without Dimensions aid worker, who was in the middle of performing his 15th, 23rd, and 10 trillionth simultaneous cleft tentacle surgery of the day on a young 79.6-light-year-old trans-dimensional being. “There’s been a complete lack of infrastructure here on most of visible-spectrum quantum-Tethys for the past hundred thousand ur-years in over 90% of all timelines, and we’ve got to do everything we can to get these life forms basic needs like water, omni-sunlight, and cybernetic inserts, especially since we’ve been to the future and know that this conflict will continue for eons. Some of these communities don’t even have access to the 3D space they desperately need in order for us to perform surgeries, or the kinds of trained personnel who can hold all 100 trillion megaverse medical treatments in their mind-field simultaneously. We call on all members of the nonlinear universe to help us treat the suffering beings of this war-torn part of space and time.” Aid workers from Doctors Without Dimensions added the ongoing destruction was among the worst they’d ever seen, up there with 2005 TB190, Iapetus 2, the 3060s Arctic States, Mirror Astrea, -11110000.B5, and Haiti.