PALM BEACH, FL—Clawing over each other and gasping for air as they emerged, hundreds of miniature Sean Hannitys reportedly burst from Roger Ailes’ corpse Thursday shortly after the former Fox News CEO’s death. “At first, one little hand broke through his skin, and then dozens and dozens of Sean Hannitys just erupted out of Roger’s chest cavity,” said one witness, adding that the cacophony caused by the two-inch-tall, mucus-covered Hannitys screeching right-wing talking points drowned out every other sound in the room. “They were suddenly everywhere, shrieking about the war on Christmas, paid protesters, and coddled, crybaby liberals on college campuses. One of the nasty little things even scampered up the wall and started gnawing on the doorframe. And, my Lord, they just smelled so foul.” At press time, the miniature Sean Hannitys were ravenously devouring Ailes’ corpse.
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