LIVONIA, MI—Declaring that he couldn’t wait to see his wife’s eyes light up once she heard the news, local husband Kevin McCoy, 32, reportedly spent $238.76 Wednesday to buy his wife tickets to see a singer she wants to fuck. “Phoebe is just crazy about [the idea of being throroughly and repeatedly boned by] John Legend,” said McCoy of his spouse of eight years, who routinely imagines the musician’s face and body expertly pleasuring her when she closes her eyes during intercourse with her husband. “She’s always wanted to see [and be brought to repeated shuddering orgasms by] John Legend, so I’m really stoked I could make that dream come true. I managed to snag third-row seats, so she’ll get a great view [of Legend to use as masturbation fodder for years to come].” Sources close to McCoy added that he seemed completely oblivious to how his wife flushed a deep red and could barely stammer a breathless “Thank you” when he revealed he had also purchased her a backstage pass.
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