Hydra Decides To See Doctor About Painful Ingrown Head

ARGOLIS, GREECE—Worrying that it would become infected if left unattended, the water monster Hydra confirmed Friday that it was finally going to see a doctor about a painful ingrown head. “I noticed it a few centuries ago and no matter what I try, it just keeps getting worse,” said the serpentine creature, adding that the ingrown head was most likely caused by it growing back incorrectly after being sliced off by a hero at the wrong angle. “It’s all swollen, and it’s just gross to look at. I tried treating it with antibiotic cream and a bandage, but I think it’s time to have professional examine it before it gets way worse.” At press time, a doctor had successfully removed the ingrown head, but two more ingrown heads reportedly immediately appeared in its place.

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