‘I Am Immortal!’ Screams 90-Year-Old British Woman Embarking On Epic Post-Vaccination Bender

Illustration for article titled ‘I Am Immortal!’ Screams 90-Year-Old British Woman Embarking On Epic Post-Vaccination Bender

LONDON—Pounding yet another Guinness while being cheered on by regulars at her neighborhood pub, Marjorie Davies, a 90-year-old British recipient of the Pfizer-BioNTech Covid-19 vaccine, screamed, “I am immortal!” Tuesday as she embarked on an epic drug-and-boozed-fueled bender. “Nothing can fucking stop me now!” said the inebriated nonagenarian, beginning a debauched binge during which she reportedly punched a Metropolitan Police officer in the face, jumped naked into public fountains, attended her first rave, slept with dozens of strangers, vomited on passersby, and licked every surface in sight. “Holy shit, why on earth did I wait nine decades to try ketamine? I am on fire! Woooo! Anyone wanna drink some of my blood? ’Cause it’s absolutely teeming with antibodies right now!” At press time, sources confirmed Davies had convinced her fellow revelers to keep the party going by hopping a plane to Amsterdam with her.

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