‘I Guess I’d Watch Another,’ Says Woman Unaware Boyfriend Died On Couch 4 Episodes Ago

Illustration for article titled ‘I Guess I’d Watch Another,’ Says Woman Unaware Boyfriend Died On Couch 4 Episodes Ago

KNOXVILLE, TN—Saying she would be “down to watch another one,” local woman Anna Cook was reportedly unaware Thursday that she had sat through four episodes of the Netflix series Bridgerton since her boyfriend, 34-year-old Kyle Lampson, had passed away on the sofa. “At first I wasn’t sure about this show, but now I kind of want to keep watching to see what happens,” Cook said as she pressed play on another installment of the popular Regency-era romance and pried a popcorn bowl loose from the tight, rigor mortis grip of Lampson’s corpse, failing to notice the flies depositing eggs in her late partner’s nose, ears, and open mouth. “Wow, someone is having trouble sharing. Anyway, I want to see if the Archbishop of Canterbury agrees to expedite Daphne and Simon’s marriage license, but we can turn in after this next one. It’s a pretty addictive show, isn’t it?” After remarking that Lampson felt cold and she no longer wanted to cuddle, Cook reportedly became so engrossed in Eloise’s attempts to uncover the identity of Lady Whistledown that she did not even bother removing the corpse’s arm from around her shoulder.