WASHINGTON—Unwinding after a particularly stressful day as U.S. Transportation Secretary, Pete Buttigieg was reportedly overheard Friday telling a resistant proprietor, “I’ll tell you when I’ve had enough,” while trying to blow off steam with another round through a car wash. “Look, I’ll stop when I’m good and ready, but it won’t be because some bozo in a jumpsuit cuts me off—I’m the head of the goddamn Department of Transportation, after all,” said the former mayor of South Bend, IN, his pupils dilating and his words beginning to slur as he threw cash in the attendant’s face and instructed him to “leave it open.” “Better make this next one a deluxe wash, and don’t skimp on the suds this time. Hoo doggy, that’s what I’m talking about! That hot wax will put some hair on your chest! Let me get one more undercarriage flush for the road. Better yet, let me buy a wash for everybody.” At press time, sources confirmed Buttigieg had been thrown out of the establishment after trying to start a fight with one of the large rotating brushes.