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‘I Love That It Has Pockets,’ Says Woman Showing Off New Boyfriend

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KANSAS CITY, MO—Appearing pleased and presenting the new acquisition with a twirl, local woman Nelly Winters was overheard saying “I love that it has pockets” to a group of friends Tuesday as she showed off her new boyfriend. “I know it’s not my usual style, but it does have four pockets around the waist and this extra one up here over the breast,” said the 25-year-old, pointing out the features on her boyfriend and boasting of how much stuff she’d be able to carry around when she brought it out with her. “I’ve been looking for something like it for ages, and I finally settled on this one that I found online. You guys can borrow it anytime you want. It’ll probably only last me a year or so—it’s pretty cheap.” At press time, Winters had reportedly acknowledged the boyfriend would be more useful if its pockets were deeper.