‘I Want You To Love Again One Day,’ Whispers Dying Man Clearly Overestimating Amount Of Grief Wife Will Experience

Illustration for article titled ‘I Want You To Love Again One Day,’ Whispers Dying Man Clearly Overestimating Amount Of Grief Wife Will Experience

NORFOLK, VA—Mustering the last of his strength to turn and face his wife, local dying man Stanley Tarrington, 58, reportedly used his final labored breaths Wednesday to tell Mary Anne Tarrington, 54, that she should one day love another, a clear overestimation, sources confirmed, of the grief she will feel upon his death. “Honey, I know it’s impossible to imagine right now, but in the future—a long, long time from now—you may reach a point at which you will find yourself ready to move on,” the visibly frail Tarrington whispered to his wife, who according to reports was upset by his passing, but never had any intention of remaining single for the rest of her life, having already made a mental catalog of a half dozen or so men she would like to date after her husband was gone. “Please, Mary Anne, look me in the eyes and promise me that if that day comes, you’ll search and find a way, somehow, to open your heart to a new love—even if that person can never live up to the memories you have of us. It pains me to imagine you staying lonely forever.” At press time, sources confirmed the newly widowed Mary Anne Tarrington was filling the void in her life by downloading dating apps, scheduling several nights out with friends, and booking a 15-day singles cruise to the Caribbean.

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