INDIANAPOLIS—Vesco Systems analyst Arthur Ingraham told reporters Monday that it has become extremely difficult for him to fantasize about having sex with coworker Melissa Poole, due to Poole's gross incompetence in the workplace. "Every time I imagine us staying late together, she always winds up deleting some important file just as we're about to do it," Ingraham said while re-creating a crucial spreadsheet that was corrupted by a virus Poole accidentally downloaded. "Not that she'd ever stay late anyway. She usually sneaks out by 4:30." Ingraham said that Poole's ineptitude has had the inconvenient side effect of causing him to spontaneously ejaculate anytime someone accidentally cc's the entire office on a confidential e-mail.

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