Injury That Will Cause Excruciating Pain For Rest Of Life Thankfully Not Season-Ending

SAN FRANCISCO—Days after the player was stretchered off the field during a game against the St. Louis Rams, sources confirmed Thursday that while the knee injury suffered by San Francisco 49ers backup safety Corey Matson will ultimately cause him chronic and excruciating pain for the rest of his life, it is thankfully not expected to end his season. “He suffered a bad sprain in his right knee on Sunday, but I’m happy to report that Corey will not require any surgery that would otherwise sideline him for the rest of the year,” team physician Timothy McAdams told reporters, referring to an injury that will lead to Matson experiencing persistent stabbing pains for the duration of his life whenever he bends his knee past a 45-degree angle and will eventually result in the development of early-onset osteoarthritis. “Given the nature of this type of injury, he should be able to return to action in four to six weeks. Though, truth be told, I wouldn’t be surprised to see him on the field earlier than that. He’s a fighter.” Reached for comment, Matson claimed to be fully prepared to “play through the pain,” thereby ensuring that the full extent of the damage to his knee will be permanent.