International Women’s Day: Roundup

International Women’s Day: Roundup

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Women form an embattled—yet vitally important—minority across the developed world, with recent census estimates suggesting there could be as many as 15,000 of them in the United States alone. Precisely because of the challenges women face, our most powerful institutions must stand up for this small but influential sliver of the nation’s population. Indeed, it is quite likely that without the backing of organizations like The Onion, women would simply vanish from the public consciousness entirely. Today, The Onion has chosen to throw its sterling reportage and considerable propaganda apparatus into championing that distinguished legacy, ensuring that, though their ranks may dwindle to nothing in the coming decade, the legacy of women will be remembered forever.

—The Onion Editorial Board

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In the nearly 250-year history of our nation, women’s rights have come a long way. Women have earned the right to vote. Women have witnessed the passage of Title IX. Women have gone to space, have become leading scientists, and have climbed the corporate ladder to become some of America’s most powerful CEOs. But despite this tremendous social progress, never once has there been a woman on top of the White House.

Frankly, that’s shameful. It’s sexist, and it’s wrong.

More from Erica Nelson.

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On this most important day, it’s essential to acknowledge girls for all they are. In today’s current climate of bigotry and hate, there are many obstacles that girls face throughout this country. And I should know, because my wife is a girl.

Honest to God.

Now, some of my friends on the other side of the aisle will claim that girls are just an exaggeration, that we’re playing them up for political gain. Well, I got some bad news, buddy. Read my marriage certificate and weep. It says right there, plain as day, I’m married to girl.

More from Joe Biden.

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In 2012, at the age of 15, I was shot in the head by the Taliban for my vocal support of women’s education. They tried to silence me, but I fought back, becoming the youngest-ever U.N. Messenger of Peace and even winning a Nobel Peace Prize. Since then, my voice—and all women’s voices—have only grown stronger. That is, until today.

For the majority of my life, I have worked to support women’s rights, but I can no longer in good conscience call myself a feminist after watching a couple of YouTube videos.

That’s right. After logging onto YouTube and absentmindedly scrolling through a series of recommended videos made by prominent influencers, vloggers, and podcast hosts, I, Malala Yousafzai, formally renounce my affiliation with the feminist ideology. I understand that many SJWs and blue-haired antifa libs will hate this news, but the fact is, I don’t care about building schools or advancing female education anymore, because I understand that the entire concept of feminism is designed to hold women back.

More from Malala Yousafzai.

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When we talk about the damaging consequences of sexism, we usually focus on the effects it has on women and girls, but as someone with a certain level of real-world expertise in this particular field, I can tell you that the misogyny interwoven into our patriarchal society harms men, too.

While the patriarchy may reinforce structural violence against women by projecting discriminatory gender roles, I’m also suffering in a Romanian prison cell for human trafficking because the general structure of the world I was brought up in allowed and encouraged me to dehumanize women and gave me the entitlement to manipulate and use them for my own gain.

I’m a victim, too.

More from Andrew Tate.

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