Performing well in interviews is one of the most important aspects of a successful job search. Here are some helpful hints for making a solid first impression on a prospective employer:
- Don't sell yourself short by being too embarrassed to list all your best assets—if you've got a nice cock, you've got a nice cock.
- When answering interview questions, allude frequently to "secret identity," "important work done outside the office," and "boy sidekick."
- Wink knowingly throughout the interview.
- The only way to make a résumé better? Make it bigger! Have it printed on oversize oak tag board.
- Impress upon the interviewer that you are an aggressive, ambitious self-starter by knocking him unconscious.
- Arrive at interview bedecked with diamonds and emeralds from head to toe.
- No matter how "important" the interviewer makes him/herself out to be, refuse to talk to that person, saying you want the "head honcho" only.
- Before putting on interview suit, douse self liberally with Polo cologne, then drink remaining contents of bottle.
- Upon sitting down for interview, tell the person, "Go ahead, shut the door, I won't scream rape."
- Ask the interviewer: "Confidentially, who is your greatest enemy within the company?" Then kill that person to prove your loyalty.
- Bring radio remote control to interview, and offer to employer—explain that they can use it to control your every deed.