Intrusive Thoughts That Are Actually Very Common

A thought as common as it is inaccurate. The world doesn’t hate you, just the people who know you do.

This is a very common thought to have among people who suddenly wake up tied to a chair in a darkened room with water being thrown on their face.

This violent thought will blow over in time as it becomes pathetically obvious that you don’t have the ​guts to follow through.

Whoa. Tell us more.

You never forget the salami. Relax.

Don’t worry, you’re not the only one whose thoughts have caused a plane to fall right out of the sky and split into smithereens.

This near-universal intrusive thought occurs every time the body has a biological urge to eliminate waste.

Statistically speaking, the discomfort you’re feeling is more likely due to the gunshot wound that you just sustained.

Most people begin having this intrusive thought around age 13 and continue having it more or less nonstop through age 75.

Zim-zazz bidda hup nah!

It’s easy to become preoccupied with Chevrolet’s Unbeatable Once In A Lifetime Holiday Blowout and to feel recurring remorse for missing out on deals that only roll around once a year.

While it may seem inappropriate, it’s quite normal to have fantasies about your boss, imagining what it would be like to roast their body over an open fire, and taking a big bite of their crispy flesh every now and then.

It’s clear you’ll never do it, largely cause getting her on a plane back to America seems such a hassle.

Talk to anyone long enough, and you’ll find that they too are occasionally reminded that the hottest girl in school would want nothing to do with some nobody who doesn’t even have a car.

Just because deluxe anniversary reissues are en vogue and the individual members have found success and fulfillment in outside projects doesn’t mean they won’t feel the siren call of the studio once more.

Meditative techniques can help with this.

Many people find this thought breaking up their workflow at least seven times per day.

While this is a scary thought, sometimes the best way to get it out of your brain is to simply follow through with it.

You might find yourself dwelling on the fanciful notion that you deserve more than the shitty hand you were dealt. Fortunately, this delusional thought passes, and you’ll soon be back to accepting your bitter lot in life.

No, come on. Don’t be ridiculous.