Apple CEO Tim Cook introduced the widely anticipated latest generation of the iPhone at a press event Wednesday. Here are some of the new device’s features:
- Says things when you touch it, just like a real person
- Adjustable hand-strap
- Siri tunelessly hums when left alone for too long
- Plaid
- Makes a sighing noise whenever it passes older iPhones
- Frictionless no-grip casing eases transition from hand to floor
- Can hammer nails
- Is pathetic piece of shit compared to the iPhone 6