Israel Returns Occupied Territories To Palestinians After Running Out Of Targets To Hit In Gaza

Illustration for article titled Israel Returns Occupied Territories To Palestinians After Running Out Of Targets To Hit In Gaza

JERUSALEM—Unveiling a new policy to relinquish control of thousands of settlements, Israeli government officials reportedly returned the occupied territories to Palestinians Monday after running out of targets to hit in Gaza. “Effective immediately, we are returning land in the West Bank, Golan Heights, and east Jerusalem to Palestine in order to give our armed forces many more buildings to hit,” said Israel minister of defense Benny Gantz, adding that enough was enough and the smoldering craters of rubble in Gaza no longer offered the Israeli Defense Forces sufficient airstrike objectives. “We will provide any Palestinians previously forced out of their homes in these territories safe passage to return, because we firmly believe these buildings must be re-occupied by Palestinians in order to give our statements that they’re harboring terrorists credibility. Otherwise, we will be forced to mount increased attacks on refugee camps, which isn’t quite as rewarding.” At press time, IDF soldiers had descended into the occupied territories to force Palestinians back into the buildings due to be bombed.