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ISS Apologizes After Excessive Power Usage Accidentally Shorts Out Galaxy

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LOW EARTH ORBIT—Stressing that they were trying to fix the problem as quickly as possible, the International Space Station issued an apology Wednesday after excessive power usage accidentally shorted out the entire galaxy. “Essentially, we tried to use the convection oven while the air filtration system was on and, unfortunately, that completely blew the fuse not just for our solar system, but the whole Milky Way,” said astronaut Megan McArthur, expressing sincere regret to any potential extraterrestrial life that depended on the galaxy’s three hundred billion stars for heat, energy, or regulation of their day-night cycles. “Obviously, we’ll flip the circuit breaker as soon as we can, but that’s way out in this inconvenient spot in the Oort Cloud. Sorry for the inconvenience in the meantime, everyone. If it’s any consolation, the phone lines still seem to be up galaxy-wide.” McArthur added that anyone who needed to charge their laptop or tablet could head to the neighboring Andromeda Galaxy, which appeared to be unaffected by the outage.