PITTSBURGH—Unable to resist thinking about the rare opportunity that lay before them, 79% of Americans holding ladders while a loved one put up Christmas lights reportedly took a moment Wednesday to consider just how easy it would be. “All it would take is one small push, and boom, it’s over, just like that,” thought nearly 8 in 10 spouses, children, and siblings, their grips tightening as they watched a family member take one foot off the ladder to reach a distant hook upon which to hang a strand of lights. “People fall off ladders all the time, don’t they? No one would suspect a thing, probably not even [the loved one] in the few seconds it takes to hit the ground and draw those last, labored breaths.” At press time, sources confirmed every American holding a ladder for a loved one had decided against going through with it after realizing they would then be tasked with putting up the rest of the lights by themselves.