Jimmy Carter On Covid Vaccine: ‘There’s No Way In Hell I’m Letting Them Put That Thing In Me’

Illustration for article titled Jimmy Carter On Covid Vaccine: ‘There’s No Way In Hell I’m Letting Them Put That Thing In Me’

PLAINS, GA—Following reports that the Covid-19 vaccine would soon be available, 39th President Jimmy Carter announced Thursday, “There’s no way in hell I’m letting them put that thing in me.” “Go find somebody else to stick with needles,” said Carter, who denounced former presidents Barack Obama, George W. Bush, and Bill Clinton’s pledges to receive the vaccine on TV as “completely deranged.” “Those other presidents are fucking idiots. But I’m no rube, and I’m not letting that vaccine near me. How else do you think I’ve managed to stay alive this long? It’s because I’m not a goddamn idiot.” At press time, Carter had pledged that in six months, he would be the only former U.S. president still living.

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