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Kamala Harris Pops By Office To Print Out Concert Tickets

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WASHINGTON—Peeking around corners and ducking past doorways in an effort to get in and out of her workplace unseen, Vice President Kamala Harris reportedly popped by the Eisenhower Executive Office Building late Wednesday to print out concert tickets. Upon confirming all members of her staff, who she had allegedly not seen in months, had left work for the day, Harris is said to have entered her office for the sole purpose of using a printer to access a pair of passes to that night’s Goo Goo Dolls show at the Merriweather Post pavilion in Columbia, MD. As a precaution in case she encountered her chief of staff or one of her aides, sources confirmed the vice president walked into the facility with her phone up to her ear, ready to engage in a phony conversation about how climate change was a “really tough issue” and to sigh loudly in order to sound very busy. According to reports, Harris then logged into Ticketmaster from her office computer, downloaded a file she renamed “border_security_ideas.pdf,” and printed the document with a nearby Epson EcoTank Pro ET-5850. After the vice president grabbed a granola bar from the kitchen and slipped out of the office mostly undetected, the Eisenhower building’s IT administrator was overheard giving Harris a hard time for using up all of the printer’s ink on her full-color personal holiday cards.