LOS ANGELES—Apologizing for the antisemitic comments in his recent shocking Twitter rants, rapper and fashion designer Kanye West reportedly sought reconciliation with the worldwide Jewish cabal Thursday in order to collaborate on his new idea for a ‘Yeezy x Jews’ streetwear brand. “I am truly sorry for what I said about Jewish people—I actually think that if we combined my power as an aesthetic visionary with your power as puppet masters of the global economy, this new fashion line could be a hit,” said West, noting that much of his violent, inflammatory rhetoric was the result of mental health issues, and that he had now achieved the clarity needed to see how working with the “international conspiracy of bloodsucking Jews” would be beneficial. “I hope the secret evil Jewish syndicate can forgive me, because I have already drawn up concepts for a Ye-branded yarmulke called the Ye-mulke. Thanks to the Jewish people’s control over the markets and every aspect of society, we could have a Yeezy tallit in every home. Please, let me stop by your underground mountain lair with some of the fake children you placed in my house so I can apologize in person at Shabbat dinner. Then I can also show you how dope I look wearing the Yeezy off-white shtreimel.” At press time, sources reported West was inquiring if the Jewish cabal could point its space laser at Pete Davidson’s house.
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