WASHINGTON—With the kerfuffle leading to a brief cessation in oral arguments, Supreme Court Justices Brett Kavanaugh and Neil Gorsuch reportedly recited their questions in perfect unison Friday after accidentally memorizing the same lines from a script sent to them by the Federalist Society. “It seems to me such reasoning leaves open a radical reinterpretation of the Ninth and Fourteenth Amendments, potentially trampling on the civil liberties of American—hold on, is that me or you?” said Kavanaugh who, after he and Gorsuch had been speaking in precise synchronization for several minutes, pulled out a binder that had been provided to him by the influential conservative think tank. “How the hell did this happen? I swear, if one of my clerks highlighted the wrong lines, I’m going to lose it. Come to think of it, this didn’t quite sound like it was in my voice, but there’s no fucking way I’m going to commit another six pages of this shit to memory. Oh, goddammit, yup, look here—this whole thing was supposed to be an Amy Coney Barrett monologue.” Kavanaugh went on to express his frustration that the Federalist Society couldn’t have given him a non-speaking part like Justice Clarence Thomas.
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