Kevin Feige Panicking After Mom Throws Out $3.6 Billion Worth Of Superhero Crap

Illustration for article titled Kevin Feige Panicking After Mom Throws Out $3.6 Billion Worth Of Superhero Crap

BURBANK, CA—Upending boxes in a vain effort to find his prized possessions, Marvel CEO Kevin Feige was reportedly panicking Thursday after his mom tossed out $3.6 billion of his superhero crap. “I’m sorry, I didn’t know you were still so into all this comic book junk,” said a defensive Leanne Feige, explaining to her son that it had never crossed her mind that the billions of dollars in IP and licensing rights, which looked like garbage to her, could be so valuable. “I understand you’re upset, but in my defense I have never seen you even touch any of that Moon Knight or Spider Girl stuff, and that Death Of Captain America arc had just been collecting dust since you got it. Besides, you have to admit it looks better in here without all that clutter.” At press time, Feige had reportedly burst out the front door after spotting some Sony executives rooting through a trash bag on the curb.

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