Key Members Of Biden’s Cabinet

Illustration for article titled Key Members Of Biden’s Cabinet

Most of the members of President Joe Biden’s cabinet have been confirmed following months of sometimes tense confirmation hearings. The Onion runs down key members of Biden’s cabinet.


Janet Yellen: Biden’s treasury secretary already earned the nation 3% cash back on qualifying purchases by enrolling in autopay.

Michael Regan: The new EPA administrator has the unenviable task of eating 300 tons of plastic every day.

Merrick Garland: Isn’t that nice of them?

Avril Haines: The first female director of national intelligence...that we know about.

Dr. Mark Craig: This hard-nosed miracle worker left his position as chief of surgery at Boston’s St. Eligius Hospital to help oversee the health department.

Pete Buttigieg: By the end of his term as transportation secretary, Buttigieg hopes to have learned enough to write a killer five-page essay about trains.


Marty Walsh: The former Boston mayor was unanimously confirmed to be secretary of labor by the boys down at the docks.

Alejandro Mayorkas: The first immigrant Homeland Security head is honored to lock up other immigrants.


Antony Blinken: After serving in the Obama administration, Secretary of State Blinken brings a familiar face to the cabinet, which research suggests helps dementia patients.