Most of the members of President Joe Biden’s cabinet have been confirmed following months of sometimes tense confirmation hearings. The Onion runs down key members of Biden’s cabinet.
Janet Yellen: Biden’s treasury secretary already earned the nation 3% cash back on qualifying purchases by enrolling in autopay.
Michael Regan: The new EPA administrator has the unenviable task of eating 300 tons of plastic every day.
Merrick Garland: Isn’t that nice of them?
Avril Haines: The first female director of national intelligence...that we know about.
Dr. Mark Craig: This hard-nosed miracle worker left his position as chief of surgery at Boston’s St. Eligius Hospital to help oversee the health department.
Pete Buttigieg: By the end of his term as transportation secretary, Buttigieg hopes to have learned enough to write a killer five-page essay about trains.
Marty Walsh: The former Boston mayor was unanimously confirmed to be secretary of labor by the boys down at the docks.
Alejandro Mayorkas: The first immigrant Homeland Security head is honored to lock up other immigrants.
Antony Blinken: After serving in the Obama administration, Secretary of State Blinken brings a familiar face to the cabinet, which research suggests helps dementia patients.