The House of Representatives approved articles of impeachment against President Donald Trump on December 18, 2019, then sent those articles to the Senate for a formal trial, a process that has involved a whirlwind of figures from Congress, the legal world, and Trump’s orbit. The Onion provides a guide to the key players in Trump’s impeachment trial.
Hunter Biden:
Lovable ne’er-do-well scamp.
Ken Starr:
Trump’s defense attorney is expected to argue against statements made during the Clinton impeachment by special prosecutor Ken Starr.
Mitch McConnell:
Honestly kind of bored by this cakewalk.
Devin Nunes:
A staunch defender of the president, the Republican congressman has a deep connection to the case both as an investigator and co-conspirator.
Mitt Romney:
GOP senator considered most likely to make the loudest sigh before acquitting Trump.
Chuck Schumer:
The Senate minority leader wants to hear from witnesses in the White House, but we all want things we’ll never get.
Alan Dershowitz:
As a servant of the law, finds it impossible to sit on the sidelines while a wealthy sex predator faces consequences.
John Bolton:
Trump’s former advisor has agreed to offer explosive testimony against the president for $5 per word.
Nancy Pelosi:
The hesitant speaker of the House eventually pushed through articles of impeachment, while making it clear she never thought through any of this.
Donald Trump:
Donald Trump is the 45th and current president of the United States.
Adam Schiff:
As the lead impeachment manager, there was no better choice to provide the heavy-handedness, Russia hysteria, and whiff of corruption the Democrats needed to ensure the nation tuned out.
Mrs. Wintersby:
The longtime White House maid is said to have been a witness to many of the events in question. But is she more than she seems?