CHICAGO—In keeping with his responsibility to ensure only the ideal clientele were permitted entry, Tempo Bar’s kindhearted bouncer Felix Maddsen reportedly let everyone into the club last night for being hot in their own special way. “You may not have a flawless figure or wear expensive clothes, but I can tell you’re a perfect 10 on the inside, so come on in,” said Maddsen, explaining that it was the tiny imperfections that made each person attractive enough to gain admittance to the exclusive nightclub, and that a patron’s willingness to put themselves out there and have a good time was what made them a VIP in his eyes. “Sure, I can see you have bad skin and your teeth are a little messed up, but you know what else I see? A kind face. And kindness is sexy as hell. Fat? Thin? Tall? Short? As long as you’ve got a smile and a good attitude, we want to see you break it down on that dance floor tonight. Did I mention your personality is a total smoke-show?” At press time, sources confirmed Maddsen had turned away a conventionally attractive couple that had tried to cut the line, telling them they were ruining the vibe.