CINCINNATI–LR-4427, a two-year-old laboratory rabbit at Procter & Gamble's cosmetics testing facility, Monday gave his full endorsement to Cover Girl Long & Luscious waterproof mascara for sensitive eyes.
"Cover Girl Long & Luscious waterproof mascara will dramatically magnify your lashes for a look that's glamorous and natural," LR-4427 said. "And the great part is, they won't irritate your eyes, even if you accidentally smear some over your clamped-open eyeballs with a Q-tip and can't flush it out for 48 hours."
LR-4427 said he also likes the fact that the Cover Girl product stays on, rain or shine.
"No matter what the weather, you're guaranteed gorgeous lashes with Long & Luscious mascara," LR-4427 said. "And they'll stay that way all day long, in 10 hours of 200-degree heat from a hair dryer or icy blasts from a shower head."
In the past six months, LR-4427 said he has tried "literally hundreds" of different mascaras. Of these, he said, Cover Girl Long & Luscious offers the best combination of good looks, durability, and non-corrosiveness.
"The Cover Girl mascara they ground into my right eye is 10 times better than the Max Factor Midnight Thicklash that was ground into my left," said LR-4427, speaking from immobilization cage 39B. "The Max Factor stuff is greasy and cheap-looking, not satiny and sophisticated like Cover Girl. And, unlike Cover Girl, Max Factor doesn't wash away easily–not even with industrial soap and steel-wool scouring pads."
According to LR-4427, eyes are the first thing you notice about a person. And nothing is more important to the look of a woman's eyes than mascara.
"If you're anything like me, you hate it when the look you spent all day perfecting is ruined by your mascara running or dripping," said LR-4427, cocking his head as much as possible inside his plastic holdfast collar. "Well, your worries are over, because Cover Girl Long & Luscious stays on your eyes right where the injectors put it. With Long & Luscious, there's no need to cauterize your tear ducts shut, unlike some mascaras I could mention."
LR-4427 added that clinical tests have proven that Cover Girl Long & Luscious will leave your lashes 40 percent thicker than Elizabeth Arden mascara. In addition, Long & Luscious will feel 50 percent less like your eyes are melting down your cheeks after being pierced with red-hot fireplace pokers.
"The last thing you want right before a big date is to lose confidence in your mascara," LR-4427 said. "You need to know that his eyes will be on yours–not on any chemical scarring."
"And if you have a long day… or night," continued LR-4427, attempting a saucy wink despite his surgically excised eyelids, "touch-up's a breeze. Just pack more Long & Luscious into your orbital sockets, your nostrils, your anus–any of the delicate tissues that get stressed by your busy lifestyle–and you're ready to go."
LR-4427 then returned to work, where he is finishing up testing a new aloe-scented exfoliating scrub before being reassigned to Procter & Gamble's small-arms ammunition division.