LOS ANGELES—Warning Angelenos to hit the deck, now, the Los Angeles Police Department asked residents Thursday to be on the lookout for dozens of bullets that its officers had sent ricocheting around the city. “Due to credible reports that numerous rounds of ammunition from our service weapons are now ping-ponging back and forth across Greater Los Angeles, we urge everyone to remain on high alert and take cover wherever possible,” said Police Chief Michel Moore, explaining that constant vigilance was necessary to avoid being struck by one of the many police bullets bouncing off L.A. walls, ceilings, doors, streets, vehicles, trees, storefronts, playgrounds, office buildings, and churches. “Please keep your head down as you go about your activities, whether you’re at work, in school, or running errands, as nowhere is safe from the department-issued firearms that appear to have discharged all across town. While I have ordered officers to shoot any bullets they encounter on sight, it seems only to have made the problem worse.” At press time, Moore gave his preemptive condolences for all the innocent lives that would be lost from continued stray police fire.