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Hakeem Jeffries Elected To House Democratic Leader In Historic First

House Democrats chose caucus chair Hakeem Jeffries of New York to succeed Nancy Pelosi as leader of the Democrats in…

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Onion Sports’ NFL Week 13 Picks

Onion Sports shares its expert analysis on the teams that will come away with victory in the NFL’s week 13 games.

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It’s Women Of Color Visibility Month! And Even If It Isn’t, It Should Be, And Let’s Be Real, Are You Gonna Try To Argue It’s Not? Because, Honestly, It Might Not Be—But If That’s Something You Want To Push Back On, Be Our Guest, Buddy, Go Ahead And See How Dying On That Hill Works Out For You

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Special Orders Chefs Hate The Most And Why

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Ms. New Booty Fact: Did You Know?

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Worst Ways Amazon Exploits Workers During Cyber Monday

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Special Orders Chefs Hate The Most And Why

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Taco Bell Introduces New Cheesy Beef Dunk Tank

IRVINE, CA—Calling its latest offering the ultimate innovation in Mexican-inspired fast food, restaurant chain Taco…

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How Americans Decide Which Charities To Donate To

Giving Tuesday is an annual effort during the holiday shopping season to encourage donations to charity, but with so…

Breaking NewsNews In Brief

Herschel Walker Quietly Asking Around For D.C. Abortion Clinic Recommendations

WRIGHTSVILLE, GA—In a display of confidence ahead of the Georgia Senate runoff, Republican candidate Herschel Walker…

OpinionAmerican Voices

Biden’s Secret Service Rental Cars Burst Into Flames At Nantucket Airport

Five cars rented by President Joe Biden’s Secret Service detail for his Thanksgiving weekend trip to Nantucket…

LocalSlideshow

Things To Never Say To Someone Who Is Scared Of Flying

If you know someone who is for some reason afraid to sit for several hours in a thin metal tube traveling 35,000…

Breaking NewsNews In Brief

Eric Adams Resumes Placing Mentally Ill People Into Audience Of ‘The Tonight Show’ Against Their Will

NEW YORK—Issuing a controversial directive regarding the city’s unhoused population, Mayor Eric Adams announced…

Breaking NewsNews In Brief

New Tesla ‘Memories’ Feature Displays Pictures From Driver’s Life On Dashboard Before Car Explodes

AUSTIN, TX—Touting the feature as the perfect way to enjoy one’s fondest moments in the seconds before a fiery…

OpinionAmerican Voices

Balenciaga Under Fire For BDSM Teddy Bear Campaign

Luxury fashion brand Balenciaga has apologized for its advertising campaign that featured young children posing with…

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The Onion’s Test Sweatshop Helps You Get In Shape And Stay In Shape

Deciding which products will fulfill your basic needs or fill that gaping hole in your heart can be stressful. The…

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OpinionAmerican Voices

Trump Hosts Kanye West, White Nationalist Holocaust Denier At Mar-A-Lago

Donald Trump hosted White nationalist and Holocaust denier Nick Fuentes and rapper Kanye West, who has been under…

LocalNews In Photos

Christmas Ham Strapped To Roof Of Car

LocalNews In Brief

Mom Doing Full-Time, Unpaid PR For Some Disney+ Show About Whales

WAYNESVILLE, OH—Launching what appeared to be a fully coordinated social media campaign to alert family and friends…

LocalNews In Photos

Lack Of Clean Laundry Forces Man To Wear T-Shirt He No Longer Agrees With

LocalNews In Brief

Man Afraid To Get Tattoo In Case He Feels Differently About His Children In 10 Years

WATERLOO, IA—Stating that “you never know what could happen down the road,” local man James Kenney told reporters…

Breaking NewsNews In Brief

God Releases New Peppermint-Flavored Chipmunks For The Holidays

THE HEAVENS—Touting His latest majestic creation as the ideal recipe for wintertime fun, the Almighty God, He Who…