Well, folks, things have gotten considerably worse.

Since we last spoke, I have been put in solitary confinement for talking back to one of the guards on the lunch line, and am currently allowed outside only for visits with my lawyer. He keeps telling me that he’s working on my case, but there never seems to be any progress, and meanwhile I’m stuck here rotting in this man-made hell. That is why I’m writing to you today: I think that guy is charging me way too much.

Surely many of my fellow voters have had this experience.

You know the story. Get thrown in jail on some trumped up thing, and when your lawyer finally arrives, he talks to you for two seconds through some humiliating glass window (by his own request, I bet), then leaves for a month and won’t return your phone calls. Not to mention that all the while you can tell he’s embarrassed to be working with you, what with his constant suggestions that you should just get a public defender — and really, for all you know, he secretly thinks you’re guilty anyway and is probably conspiring against you as you type this.

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And we have to pay good money for this?

America’s lawyers have been getting away with this nonsense for too long. Sure, McCain talks tough on tort reform, but what about defense-attorney-responsibility reform? My last bill was five thousand dollars. When is America finally going to help out the little guy? Well, John?

Something must be done about this horrible, horrible mess.

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