IRVING, TX—Corroborating a suspicion long held by critics in the environmental movement, documents leaked Monday confirmed that ExxonMobil has known exactly which day the world would end since the 1970s. “These documents prove that for decades ExxonMobil executives deliberately obfuscated evidence that they knew the precise date upon which all life on this planet will cease to exist,” said environmental activist Tamara Leon, adding that the oil and gas company had routinely engaged in disinformation campaigns to bury the fact that their own scientists knew as early as the mid-’70s that every organism on Earth would die on December 13, 2026. “ExxonMobil routinely interfered with attempts to present the reality of the Earth ending, undermining both political and scientific efforts in order to continue with business as usual. Company executives have testified under oath before Congress that they didn’t know when the world was ending, but now, with these leaked documents, we can see that they were lying the whole time. And will any of these executives be punished for what amounts to crimes against humanity? No. They’ll just die in mid-December 2026 like the rest of us.” ExxonMobil did not address the leaks directly, but a press release from the company stated that it would devote over $500 million to efforts to stop the planet from ending on December 13, 2026 by exploring new technologies that would prevent the world from using the Gregorian calendar.