DANVERS, MA—For the second time in the past 90 minutes, a group of friends watching the World Cup at a local Buffalo Wild Wings this afternoon has reportedly tasked Craig Burke, the least avid sports fan among them, with fetching the next round of drinks. “Craig really doesn’t pay much attention to sports, so it makes sense to have him grab the beers while the rest of us keep watching,” Burke’s friend Becca Richardson told reporters as the man for whom sports are only a passing interest precariously balanced five pints of draft beer between two hands and wove through a roaring crowd back to his seat, where sources confirmed his companions were too busy following the match to acknowledge the completion of his undertaking or offer compensation. “It’s always great whenever Craig comes out; we don’t have to miss a single moment of the action and Craig can take a break from watching a two-hour game he doesn’t care about to go get us another round of Game Changer Ales and some Jalapeno Pepper Bites. It really is perfect to have a friend who’s so marginally interested in sports around for the entire tournament.” According to reports, Burke had no sooner set the latest round on the table than the entire bar erupted in cheers, sending two beers spilling onto a plate of Thai Curry wings and causing the casual fan to be sent back once more to the bar.

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