NEW YORK—In an effort to provide more in-depth analysis of the ongoing situation in Kabul, CNN anchor Don Lemon reportedly announced Monday that he was going to “take it to our Afghanistan experts” before the broadcast cut to a panel full of Dick Cheneys. “You know, that’s an excellent point, Dick, and I agree that we’ve done a disservice to both ourselves and the Afghan people by not remaining,” said the former vice president to the former vice president, vigorously nodding as a third Dick Cheney explained how Biden’s decision to withdraw troops from the region made the U.S. appear weak on the international stage. “You’re correct, Dick, it does feel like we could’ve accomplished so much more if we had just stayed. And frankly, it’s just embarrassing that we would just suddenly bail on America’s longest-running war. The United States is much more vulnerable to the threat of terrorism without a military presence in every single country.” At press time, the panel had devolved into a heated shouting match among the seven Cheneys as they each tried to see who could agree with the other the most.
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